all my livejournal-ans have missed a lot. not that you care.. but here we go [again.]
you know this is what im going to start with, naturally. mark is.. mark is mark. and if you knew mark you'd know the definition of that. but ive come to accept the fact that im a disposable person in peoples lives and thats just the hand ive been given. hes done with me, i know that, now i just have to get over it. it wont be easy, it hasnt been easy, and i wont get easier anytime soon. its not fair, and im not saying it should be. christian is cute. and if i wasnt recovering from mark id probably like him a whole lot more than i already do. i havent gotten my report card yet, and im not sure that i want to.. i already know i got a 72 in science, and id like to consider myself not that bad in that class as far as doing my work, so my other classes grades should just be spectacular.
well things are fine with mark. we talked about it, and i believe him. i dont know if i should, but i do. Like, you know when youre telling yourself you trust someone, but you constantly have to remind yourself that you trust that person, and you have your doubts, but you talk yourself out of it? that didnt even happen. i just trust him, and im not lying to myself. i dont know about tomorrow, i dont know about a week from now, i dont know about a month from now.. but right now, at this very moment, things are fine. im fine. things are normal again.
and im so fucking glad that they are.
haha, but you know theres bad news to every story i have. we were walking, and i was shivering, and mark being the best boy in the worlddd, he gives me his sweatshirt, even though i already had one on. so we were walking around outside for at least 2 hours and he was shivering the entire time, but refused to take his sweatshirt back, i felt so bad. so we walked past my house, and we both kind of decided to go in without even saying anything. no one was home, i knew my mom would be home at ten but i wasnt sure about my brother. so i just locked the door and hoped id have some kind of luck. he had to be home by 10, and he had to walk home, so he needed to leave at like 9:30. we were both so paranoid. but were just pretending to watch this my chemical romance thing on fuse but making out, instead. it wa slike 9:27 and im thinking "thank god he did not come home" and as soon as i think im about to get away with this, i hear a car door shut. FUCKING SHIOAHFAS. rob and marie come walking in. shiiit. mark left and im sititng in my living room afraid to walk past rob to the computer room. when i do, rob goes "taylor, thats not going to fucking happen a-fucking-gain." "rob, we were watching tv, its like 20 degrees out" "i dont care, next time no ones home thats not happening." "whatever." and rob definitely knows about mark. he likes to myspace stalk me and read my comments.
"Faith. You can't touch love, you cant taste it or hold it. But you can feel it there. You have to have faith to believe its there."
ive edited and revised this entry too many times today. i dont even know what to say. honestly, i dont know if theres much to be said. if i dont go to pennsylvania this weekend with tori, ive got to spend the least amount of time at my house as possible. i cant stand it anymore. If i dont go to pennsylvania.. i've got to see mark. god, i want to see mark. but i want to see tori. the only two people who i miss. the only two people i care about. well, not particularly. i just miss them both so much its unbareable. mark asked if i was going to be home this weekend. i told him i didnt know, because i dont. one minute im wishing i could just stay home and see mark, for what its worth. the next im saying i need to get the fuck out of here.
maybe i need both. but i cant have both. you know.. i was almost satisfied. you know, with life. almost. everything was going wrong. the only thing that i was happy about was mark. and because i had him, it made everything better. and now its gone, i think. and i'd do anything to have it back.
anything. anything. anything.
god, please, i hope its not gone. let things go back to the way they were.
I guess i kept my word when i swore i'd let you down.
i was laying on my bed, thinking back to that night a few weeks ago, when the drunk guy came up to us, and told you to dump me, because girls are going to fall in love with you & youll loose a lot of money. we walked away. then you looked at me and said "that dosnt matter if you love someone." i squeezed your hand and decided right then and there, there was no one i loved more. i never told. but it dosnt really matter now, because you like her. and chances of things going back to how they were before are slim. i swear i'd do anything to bring them back. i swear, i'd do anything to bring you back.
do you remember that night mark? and all the other nights you said you loved me. for some reason i thought they were real i hope to god you remember. because i could never forget.
i close my eyes, its hard to sleep, just thinking about the nights you spent with me. i think of where you are, do you see the same night stars? i say this from the heart, i will love you forever. Was it all a fantasy? The smile on your face, the ocean breeze, The stars in the sky, the look in your eyes, To have you there right next to me. The ocean air, the wind in your hair, The way it felt so perfectly?
edit; dave told me he saw him + sarah holding hands & making out.. i had to call him. i sat there with the phone in my lap for about fortyfive minutes before i dialed the whole number without hanging up. he answered and goes "..whats up taylorrr.." "you told me to call you, so.." "yeah" "so, i heard from someone you and sarah were making out and all that." "who said that?" "someone who wouldnt lie." "jen?" "no, dave.." "wellll i wasnt.." "im sure" he fucking hung up. i have to go to school today. just wish me luck making it through the day/week.
just keep in mind how i felt when the most i could do was to just blame myself. i know you know everything, i know you didnt mean it.
jens party was really fun. the first half. when mark knew i existed.
its really selfish but instead of talking about the party ill give you me entire sob story. okay so, "before" mark met me, he "used to" like this girl, sarah. She was invited to jens party. so mark came, and me and sarah were like one seat away from eachother. Mark walked in and came and sat next to me and he looked really cute. but thats normal. they started playing music, we danced and all that good stuff. but i started getting really tired and hot, so i sat down and mark was sitting next to sarah, but i ignored it. so he goes "Taylor" and i look over and he has his arm around her, like, 'haha look i like her better'. so naturally i get fucking pissed off. i got up and went outside, and alaina, danielle, and jen were out there. i told them and they were just like "wow, what an asshole." so i went back inside and to marks face, i go "mark, youre being an asshole." so he kind of just looked at me like, wtf, and lead me outside, and goes "what did i do?" and im like "well, your sitting there with your arm around sarah, and you call my name like 'haha look i like her better' and i forget what he said exactly, but he said that he had his arm around her, and his hand in like a gun-like position, and he had it to her head. i didnt see that, but its probably true, he jokes around like that. i just saw the arm, looked at him, and walked outside. so im like "whatever." and he apoligized and i said it was alright. so we went back inside and continued on. i started getting hot again so i went outside. since im unfortunately never not thinking about him, i looked through the window to look at him. and hes sitting there, arm around sarah, their faces about 2 inches away. it was loud in there, but come the fuck on. so i was ranting to my asshole friends, not realizing/remembering they have the biggest mouths ever. in the middle of this, i look again and hes dancing with her. at this point im going "dont cry taylor, dont cry. please dont cry taylor" to myself. we all got called in and he sat down next to her. and jen had to dance with her dad. and they were like 'hero' by mariah carey, and im crying, tried to hide it, but it didnt work out. i didnt want to get up in the middle of it, so i waited until they were done, and as soon as they were i bolted to the bathroom. i come out and jen and someone else is standing there. the someone else leaves and i immedietly start crying. so of course like 3 more people come in and are like "its alright taylor, come on, its okay, hes an asshole." thanks, i know. but instead of keeping my mouth shut i keep ranting, so of course they go tell him. i was sitting down, and everyones like "what happend" and im like "nothing" and they just leave it there. but eddies like "alright, or you can lie." so i told him and christain [who is reallllly hott, btw]and theyre trying to make me feel better, and i see alaina and danielle talking to mark, and i was like "fuckk." because no matter how much i say "guys, just dont say anything" they always do. so mark comes out two minutes later and i go sit with him, and he was like "whats wrong" and i was like "nothing." and he goes "seriously, whats wrong" and im like "seriously, nothing" and hes like "well all your friends are coming up and saying youre mad at me." "im not mad at you" "well whats wrong then" and he moved his chair closer to mine, and i was like "mark, im sitting here looking through the window and you and sarah are this close *demonstration here* and then i look again and youre dancing with her" and he raised his voice and was like "what the hell, jen told me to dance with her" so im like "alright mark youre not going to sit here and yell at me." i dont think he meant to though. i did ask jen later, she told him to dance with her, then me. but hes like "im sorry." and i was like "its alright" and he goes "you sure" and i just said yeah. so we were outside, yet again. and he goes "why do you keep looking at me like that" "like what?" "like youre pissed off at me." "well.." "you said it was alright" "yeah, just because im not mad at you dosnt mean im not upset." and he goes "well whats wrong then" and i go "im fine." "i know what 'im fine' means" "and whats that" "theres something wrong" so we went back inside, and the DJ is like "okay this will be the last song of the night" and you want to take a stab at what it is? the worst song they could possibly play at the moment. stick with you - pussycat dolls. normally songs like that dont mean much, but hearing "no one is gonna take me higher, im going to stick with you, no ones going to treat me better" ect, coming from everywhere in the room, im gonna get upset. so everyones dancing and im sitting in the back trying with every fiber of my being not to cry, which wasnt exactly working out. so mark comes and is like "dance with me?" and i made a fucking mistake and blurted out "unless you'd rather it be sarah" and he goes "are you serious?" "kinda." so he sat down next to me and just stared at me and held my hand, so i started to cry a little, wasnt doing a good job of hiding it, so he just sat there with his head in his hands. after it was over, he was like "alright, i have to go now.." and i was just like "alright" and he goes "ill call you later" i knew he wasnt going to, but i was still waiting for my phone to ring. it never did. so he hugs me, hugs all my friends, and goes and talks to sarah, i couldnt really see them.. but they were talking. he went from looking upset to glowing. and i dont even know what to do. hes 15, honestly, how long are you going to stay interested in an ugly 12 year old. i was convinced the "i love you's" were real, but i guess not. usually i would just say "alright, time to go back to how it was before. i liked him but he didnt like me."
i can't. i dont know how. it was never like that, and i wasnt expecting it to be. but im expecting it will be, soon. i dont know if he still likes me or not, i havent talked to him because hes grounded from the computer and of course he wont call me.. but i dont know. maybe we'll get passed it. or maybe ill cry my way through it. because honestly in the last like 20 hours ive been back from her party i have not stopped crying. its currently 5:26 AM, and i cant sleep. i wish i could talk to him. i want to know whats going on. i hate not being sure.
i wont be happy. not for a while. because i can bet he's going to choose sarah.
im not going to school tomorrow. i cant.
honestly, can someone please just like me for longer than two weeks. not someone. mark. because i dont want anyone else.
jens party is in 6 hours. im excited. i look like a fatass in my dress, and i cant find a bra that looks okay, because its a strapless dress. the only strapless bra i have is a 36b, and im a 34b, so its kinda big.
so after the terrible week of school that will follow, tori [who is my best friend that lives in another state, if you wernt aware] and her dad are coming to get me friday right after school, i should get there around 6:30-7:00 and were going to an easton football game. not that were going to pay attention, but its something to do. i can have the whole easton experiance. her dad is driving me home sunday night. most of my friends suck, so itll be cool to just be with her and paige for a weekend. paige is her cousin, on a weirdness scale of 1-10 shes about a 32, but thats how i like them.
Fal13nH3ro (8:41:01 PM): in alabama we can get married Fal13nH3ro (8:41:10 PM): lets run away x sup taylorr (8:41:17 PM): sweet home alabamaaa Fal13nH3ro (8:42:53 PM): and you and me could live together under my bed x sup taylorr (8:43:00 PM): yes =] Fal13nH3ro (8:44:09 PM): and we can get bunnys and unicorns Fal13nH3ro (8:44:16 PM): and we shall have babys x sup taylorr (8:44:28 PM): and a little leperchaun. gotta love leperchaun. x sup taylorr (8:44:37 PM): bamf nigga babiez. sounds good.
i didnt do my math homework because i dont have a pencil, hahahaaa. im not doing it in pen so she gives me a 0 for it. im not that stupid. i found this amazing dress at JCpenny that dosnt make me look completley obese which is rare. but i dont want my mom to pay for a dress im going to wear once. my other one is really pretty, but its smaller and makes me look as obese as i really am.
i bet it dosnt get this cold in california. god i want to move. Mark might come see me today, which is good. but im pretty sure jen has to work today, and i need jen to hang out with mark, because its not like i can just walk out of my house like "okay mom im going to hang out with this 15 year old who im pretty much in love with, be home later!" that dosnt work. i could tell her im going to be with jen, but she likes to call jens phone when im with her, and not mine. why? i dont know. whatever.
So, yesterday. Jen had 200 dollars & i had some money too. This one day my brother decides to be nice and drive us to and back from the mall. We get tehre, he drives away, let me remind you he has no cellphone. we walk in and we see a few stores closed, and were like "uhh okay..." and then we realized every store is closed. Didnt take long to figure out it was sunday, day before a holiday. rob dropped us off at 6 and he was coming to get us at 8:30. what do we do now? We starting walking over to the movies which is like across the street. EVERY movie either has already started, not coming on again, or rated R. besides gridiron gang or some shit like that. im not a fan of football, i wasnt about to sit there and watch that. So we pass the old country buffet. yum. no. jen has a dress to go get fitted for in six days and i have a dress to wear to her party in two weeks, im a fatass anyway. im not going to the old country buffet and stuffing me face. after about 20 minutes of aimlessly walking around, we went to the fucking buffet. whatever. after about three plates i went in the bathroom and got rid of it. im pretty sure the lady in the other stall knew. she didnt know me, i didnt care. i refuse to be a fatass [although im not doing a very good job] i stopped doing that a few months ago. but i can feel myself starting again.
hes currently in virginia. like three states away. i was at jens with her and dave, texting him on her cellphone for hours.
"im looking out the hotel window wishing you were here" cutest thing ever. even cuter when youre staring into space wishing the same thing, and the only thing that snaps you back into reality is the beeping of the phone.
mark- "ekk im eating for the second time today" me- "would you shut up, youre not fat. i ate pretty much everything in sight today. pretty disgusting" mark- "oh shut up, you dont need to worry about that. youre perfect" =]
im seeing him on tuesday. only 3 more days, hardly talking to him.
we pretty much put the age difference behind us. well, he did. it still bothers me a little. but if i think about it, im not going to say anything and maybe sooner or later itll go away and i can kiss him without laughing or stopping. that would be nice.
Fal13nH3ro: nothing just thinking of you Fal13nH3ro: i really cant stop thinking about you... i think i need help x sup taylorr: i think i need help too Fal13nH3ro: i miss you too. i wish i was at least in new jeresy then i would be a little closer to you
fsdgfuyisaoi =]
theres nothing else exciting going on uh, lacy let me wear her underoath sweatshirt and i think she forgot that i have it. SCORE. =]
i am such a fucking idiot. i havent felt like this in a while. actually, i havent felt like this, ever.
i love you jen. thank you. but now i like someone three years old than me and im such a fucking slut.
im copying this from an IM with my friend. im going to sound so emo. im pathetic.
It started with me jen and dave, and we saw all our friends at the boardwalk. this kid pat goes up to jen and goes "HOW OLD IS SHE" and jen goes "..12." and he was just like motherfucker. that was funny. he was like "come on, lets go on the beach! im 13." but he went away eventually. then we went and got jens friend mark who lives in pelican island. thats like the little random town right before you cross the bridge. and hes really hott. and he put his arm around me and i go "im 12." and hes like "OMG ARE YOU REALLY" and mark is 15. and i was like yeah. and he was just like well you dont look 12. so we were walking, arms around eachother, and he has a sidekick and he was texting. he hands me the sidekick and goes "kiss it!" so i kissed it and he goes, "wanna give me one?" so i just started laughing. we went to the boardwalk, then on the beach, he was trying the whole time. he would just stand infront of me and look at me. we sat on the bench and he was looking at me, and my fat ass was sitting on his lap, and i was looking at him like "why the FUCK am i not making out with this you idiot". this 15 year old kid, im sitting here, me being 12 and all, making out with him. im pretty sure i did it wrong, too. i said that to jen and she goes "taylor he stopped a gillion times to kiss you, you cant be that bad." so were walking, and he keeps making out with me, this 15 year old kid. and i basically know im just being taken advantage of right now, but i didnt really care =].. we started walking him home because his dad called and he had to go. so were walking and i was just like "i wish i were older." and he goes "yeah.." were just walking, arms around eachother and stuff, and after two minutes of complete silence and staring at eachother, he goes "i love you." and i was like gdjfgujiow no you cant, because my parents didnt get busy when they fucking should have. so were a block away from his house and over and over hes going "i dont want to leave you." when we got to his house we were just standing there making out which at this point im convinced thats all im good for. but then he actually was just standing there hugging me, not making out with me, just hugging me. half of me is just like "hes 15 he jus twanted to get in your pants" and half of me is like "he really does like you." after he left im sitting there like "i have no idea what i just got myself in to." and to jen and dave i was like "im feeling sorry for myself because im 12 and hes 15, imagine being 15 and liking a 12 year old. well wtf he dosnt like me." and a few minutes later he texts jen and says "i fucking love her <3" a few minutes later "i miss her." he only comes down every other weekend and all were going to do when we hang out is sit there and stare at eachother and wish we were older. but then im thinking, hes in highschool, 15, im 12, seventh grade. what would he want with me?
i have not thought about connor until i had new messages when i came home. from him. "whats up" i didnt reply. usually my heart would skip four beats tdue to the fact hes talking to me, and i was just like "mark<3" i hate myself. jesus fucking christ. mom, dad, you couldnt have gotten dirty a few years earlier?
"i fucking love her. <3" fhdusihfa whyyy is he 15.
he wasnt wearing his contacts and it was fucking dark out. he sees me in clear daylight and he'll be like "what the fuck did i do"
that lasted real long. long post ahead, i doubt you really care.
okay, so. im walking down the hall to stop at his locker and go to mine. so here i am, just walking, and this kid AJ i dont like, goes "connor said he wants to break up with you" and i just laughed, because i didnt know what to say, and i was laughing at the fact that i was right. but that made me come off as conceided, so i kept walking. i saw connor in the hallway on my way to social studies, and he just walked right by me, i dont know if he saw me or not, because he was on the other side of the hallway. So im sitting there in science and im like "fuck.. hes going to break up with me." So i go downstairs dreading that i have to walk by his locker. i do, and he standing there with two girls. he saw me, i know he did, but i just kept walking. when i was walking back to the stairs, he ran up to me.
"hey." "..hi." "so, i guess you heard?" "yeah." "well, i did like you at first.. but then it was kindof weird, and i see you as more of a friend." "its okay." "its just id rather not pretend" "you dont have to." and while were in the middle of this and im sure just about every single person that passed us heard what we were talking about, Aj runs up to connor and goes "I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO DUMP HER!" i wanted to turn around and be like "FUCK YOU." that was so hard. so then hes just like "im really really sorry." and i just ran up the stairs.
i guess the word spread i was upset. i was outside going to my bus and i went the wrong way. i started walking the other way and there he is. motherfucker. i put my head down and hoped he didnt see me. he walks up to me. shit.
"i didnt mean to hurt you, im really really sorry.." "its fine." "im like, really sorry"
so i come home to new comments. these are copied exactly. please keep in mind that my mind is more further along than most seventh graders and almost everyone i know has this bad of grammar.
"I am really sorry i didnt want to hurt u i just felt weird going out with you u are still really cool and every thing just like more as a friend FOR NOW until mabe i get to know you more"
i said back;
"its fine, really. we didnt really know eachother. as long as nothings awkward im cool with it. =] "
if there were a 'pro' in 'faker' i would definitely put it in.
"i am really really really sorry mabe we could again when i GET to know u i didnt want to be a heartbreaker now all your friends think i am a player " ^ haha okay he said that because my friend brittany like flipped out.
"no, they dont. thats just brittany, shes like my sister and shes really protective. i didnt even tell her what happend, because you didnt do anything wrong. seriously, im fine, and ill tell her that tomorrow. cause youre not a player or anything like that, lol. "
then he messaged me.
"who knows when i get to know u i might give you another try and ask that usually happens but 4 now we are close friends .....really close.................lol
glad u understand ♥ "
"thanks ♥ youre sweet for apoligizing. =]] "
and he was like "feel free to get another boyfriend in that time though"
thanks, but that wont work, a. i still like him. b. boys dont fucking like me.
thats basically it. thanks for [not] reading all that.
that lasted real long. long post ahead, i doubt you really care.
okay, so. im walking down the hall to stop at his locker and go to mine. so here i am, just walking, and this kid AJ i dont like, goes "connor said he wants to break up with you" and i just laughed, because i didnt know what to say, and i was laughing at the fact that i was right. but that made me come off as conceided, so i kept walking. i saw connor in the hallway on my way to social studies, and he just walked right by me, i dont know if he saw me or not, because he was on the other side of the hallway. So im sitting there in science and im like "fuck.. hes going to break up with me." So i go downstairs dreading that i have to walk by his locker. i do, and he standing there with two girls. he saw me, i know he did, but i just kept walking. when i was walking back to the stairs, he ran up to me.
"hey." "..hi." "so, i guess you heard?" "yeah." "well, i did like you at first.. but then it was kindof weird, and i see you as more of a friend." "its okay." "its just id rather not pretend" "you dont have to." and while were in the middle of this and im sure just about every single person that passed us heard what we were talking about, Aj runs up to connor and goes "I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO DUMP HER!" i wanted to turn around and be like "FUCK YOU." that was so hard. so then hes just like "im really really sorry." and i just ran up the stairs.
i guess the word spread i was upset. i was outside going to my bus and i went the wrong way. i started walking the other way and there he is. motherfucker. i put my head down and hoped he didnt see me. he walks up to me. shit.
"i didnt mean to hurt you, im really really sorry.." "its fine." "im like, really sorry"
so i come home to new comments. these are copied exactly. please keep in mind that my mind is more further along than most seventh graders and almost everyone i know has this bad of grammar.
"I am really sorry i didnt want to hurt u i just felt weird going out with you u are still really cool and every thing just like more as a friend FOR NOW until mabe i get to know you more"
i said back;
"its fine, really. we didnt really know eachother. as long as nothings awkward im cool with it. =] "
if there were a 'pro' in 'faker' i would definitely put it in.
"i am really really really sorry mabe we could again when i GET to know u i didnt want to be a heartbreaker now all your friends think i am a player " ^ haha okay he said that because my friend brittany like flipped out.
"no, they dont. thats just brittany, shes like my sister and shes really protective. i didnt even tell her what happend, because you didnt do anything wrong. seriously, im fine, and ill tell her that tomorrow. cause youre not a player or anything like that, lol. "
then he messaged me.
"who knows when i get to know u i might give you another try and ask that usually happens but 4 now we are close friends .....really close.................lol
glad u understand ♥ "
"thanks ♥ youre sweet for apoligizing. =]] "
thats basically it. thanks for [not] reading all that.
"our love actively seeks out people who deserve it the least, sets its hooks and attaches itself. its looks for the down and those lacking the capability to return our love and those who will appreciate it the least."
so, taylor has this boyfriend by the name offff CONNOR. <33
in health, we had to plan this meal thing with another person. i sat by my friend nicole who sits infront of connors best friend. connor was talking to me a lot, more than usual. he was like "this girl kayla wants to go out with me. i dont know if i should" and i was like "well if you dont like her.." and then it was just an awkward silence. he goes "dont you go out with brendon?" and im like "uhhh no.." so he asked if i was going with with anyone and i was like "no one" and he goes "oh, pffft." so a few minutes later he threw this paper at me, i tried hard not to get my hopes up, and it was like "go out with me? :)" and i was like "yeahhh =)" and i heard him say something to josh and josh goes "Awww." i saw him like a million times. i saw him once after lunch at his locker, and i kinda just said hi and walked by to my locker which is down a little further, and i hear someone running. i looked over and hes running to hug me. im like FHSUFSDHG! megan thinks hes ugly. hes cute. so anyway, i saw him again a few times, i hugged him once and my arm bumped into his chin. either im really tall which isnt true or i happend to like short boys. at the end of the day i was at my locker, i saw him at his but he looked busy and there was like a gillion people surrounding him trying to get to their lockers, so i jusy walked by. i get nervous, haha. trying to stop that. so he comes to my locker and hugs me, and hes like "so.. this is my skateboard. im going skateboarding" and i was like "im going to detention =/ my stomach hurts" and it did, i thought i was going to throw up, and the nervousness didnt help. so i went to detention, that sucked. on the way home, they played all rap on the bus. because of that im never getting detention again. i know i will like next week, hahah.
now that im going out with him im more self-conscious than ever. seriously.. im like "OH MY GOD LOOK AT MY EYELASH." i hope it stops. its my fault though. i feel bad for him, maybe he needs glasses or something.
i hope he gets home soonnn. how long could you possibly skateboarddd. =( its also really bothering me that i know this isnt going to last long, i wont break up with him but im not a pretty girl and im pretty annoying after a few minutes. and its seventh grade. and he has a new girlfriend every week or two.
Jen calls and shes like "i just completley walked out of my job, im coming to your house for an hour, they wont even know im gone." and my mommy called and she was getting us mcdonalds. jen ended up being gone for almost 2 hours. she told her boss she got her period all over her pants, and she needed to go home and shower. hah, shes got balls.
Then we were hardcore dancing around my kitchen to norma jean
were definitely talented. when i first jump in at the beginning i look obese, you can almost see my ass. gross.
So we went down to the place where shes most likely having her sweet sixteen to look at it. we both knew it was going to rain, but OH MY GOD. we were soaked. we started walking home, about 6 blocks, when we started hearing the really loud thunder and lightening. we got about 10 feet and it started drizzling. shit, i had my camera [which still works, i swear, ive dropped that thing more than iraqi bombs.] it still works. but her dad called and said we were going to get a realll bad storm, and he was coming to pick us up. we started to get a little jog on and it was POURING. i was wearing my glasses, of course, so i could not see a fucking thing. i took them off like four seconds before we saw her dad. we got in the car and her dad could not see a THING through the windshield. it was just like, white. he was looking through the side window. it was so bad. and now jens phone is flipping out so shes blowdying it.. hahah.
I tried on my dress for her party. EW. fatty gotta loose some weight.
its currently 7:47 AM. i have to go in like 4 minutes.
dance is tonight. im not going. theyre stupid. people cry, hook/break up, and dance like sluts. its the same everywhere.
last night was really fun. i was with jen RJ and brittany. me and brittany were trying to skateboard. funniest thing ever. more when i get home from school.
EDIT; alright, im home from school. ill start with last night. me jen and brittany went to the boardwalk to get cheese fries, and jen had green converse and i had black ones. i put on a green and vise versa. So, i noticed that we'd both step with the same colored foot at the same time. we were really good at it. i swear, were fucking talented. i feel like im going places. So we went to the park and saw RJJJ =) who is now R.Bull, if that sounds weird thats probably because it is. me and jen were on one swing and rj was pushing us. i was like "jen, were 270 pounds together" and i was like "RJ STRONG LIKE BULL!" and we fell upon the conversation of gangsters somehow, and RJ is the most emo little kid ever, he could almost bring the mood down, so i named him R.Bull. yeah. me and brittany trying to skateboard? i wont even get into that, except for one of the funniest things ever in a long time. i felt like my life was complete after i stayed ont he skateboard for about 12 seconds.
I get into homeroom and i was thinking about yesterday. i remember i couldnt get on the computer because i didnt have my internet access paper, which are mailed to you. the librarian told me to go down to the office when i get a chace and ask the secretary for one. So i asked my hr teacher if i could go down to the office. So, i go down there, im like "i didnt get a paper for internet access mailed to me and i need to get on the computers." Most secrataries are at least fake-nice, right? This lady was a bitch. She's like almost yelling at me like "All seventh graders got a paper mailed to them even you honey i cant give a paper to every seventh and eigth grader here blahblahblah" WELL OBVIOUSLY I DONT HAVE ONE. and i said exactly that without the 'obviously.' And i lost the paper. so i have to go back down on monday and shes going to lecture me again.
in social studies i was talking to danielle and daniela [hahah yeah and theyre like bestfriends] and we were talking about weird foods we dont like that most people do. so i was like "i dont like salad" and got the "OMG I LOVE SALAD" thing. and i was like "i wish i did, maybe i wouldnt be this huge. and danielle goes "youre not fat! you look like youd weigh as much as me. how much do you weigh?" the dreaded question. "uh, like 110 or 115." i lied by about 15 or 20 pounds. she goes "really? you dont look like you weigh that much" the words 'that much' killed me because i lied by 15 pounds or so. i go "you said i look like you?" "yeah" "how much do you weigh" "like 95, 96."
thats a realll big compliment except i hate liars. its okay.
<3
you ran up to my desk and stole my good pen out the the rings in my agenda. i chased you going "THATS THE ONLY PEN I CAN WRITE WITH!" and you threw it. it broke. cutest thing youve ever done. especially when you went "sorryyyy, i didnt mean to break it." and you fixed it. now it dosnt unclick. thats okay.
detention on wednesday. oh yeah, definitely back in school schedule.
.. and even though i hate you and i think youre an asshole. i still love this video.
crushed
tired